This is my dog:
Fancy is a marvelous mutt. My dad brought her home after he found her on the side of the road on the Reservation, she was so ugly no one we tried to give her to would take her. So I "traded" her for my 11th birthday.
She is a sweet timid beast and we have been together for the last 9 years. Sometimes she doesn't listen to me, so I have decided to send her official letters so she can't ignore me anymore
Here is my first letter:
Please stop sleeping on my pile of clean clothes.
The extra bed in my room is not for you and the clothes on it are not to make "your bed" more cozy.
Also while I have your attention, stop breaking into the house when I leave, I've been locking the back door not because I'm mad at you but because you can no longer be trusted.
Love, Your Owner,